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Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
5:14 pm
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current mood: cold

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Saturday, September 16th, 2006
5:21 pm - Translation:AARGHIAMASNAKEWHYAMIASNAKEHELPME!!!!

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Sunday, September 3rd, 2006
1:06 pm
You know what would be cool? Gun commercials should have people, (or at least actors who are pretending to be people) who were shot with the guns they advertise extol the product's virtues. Okay, ignoring for a moment the quite a few venues refuse to show gun ads, it'd be great! No, this is not some veiled anti-gun rant, I genuinely think it'd be cool. Look, just imagine--

"Hey Steve-- whoa! What's with the new look?"

"The wheelchair, you mean? Well, last week I came home late and drunk, and I knew mom would be waiting up. I didn't want her to smell the beer on me, so I snuck in through the window."

"So?"

"Well, in the dark I guess she thought I was a burglar and..."

"Shot you?"

"Yeah. I tell you, the bullets from her Smith and Wesson 49-mm pistol* sent me flying! I mean, you want to talk about pinpoint accuracy? She fired three times, and with that managed to sever TWO vertebrae in my spine! And I love my mom, but come on, she doesn't exactly have a steady hand anymore."

"I hear that."

"Well, since I came home from the hospital, I've felt safe as anything knowing that my home is protected by Smith and Wesson!"

"Awesome! I'm gonna go ask my mom to buy a Smith and Wesson today!"

You get the idea. I feel a little nauseous. I wonder if I'm more nervous than I consciously feel about starting at a new school, or if it's just the stomach thing again. Aww, who knows and cares. Either way, I think I'll feel better once orientation is over and I can focus on schoolwork.

*May be an imaginary gun

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1:06 pm
You know what would be cool? Gun commercials should have people, (or at least actors who are pretending to be people) who were shot with the guns they advertise extol the product's virtues. Okay, ignoring for a moment the quite a few venues refuse to show gun ads, it'd be great! No, this is not some veiled anti-gun rant, I genuinely think it'd be cool. Look, just imagine--

"Hey Steve-- whoa! What's with the new look?"

"The wheelchair, you mean? Well, last week I came home late and drunk, and I knew mom would be waiting up. I didn't want her to smell the beer on me, so I snuck in through the window."

"So?"

"Well, in the dark I guess she thought I was a burglar and..."

"Shot you?"

"Yeah. I tell you, the bullets from her Smith and Wesson 49-mm pistol* sent me flying! I mean, you want to talk about pinpoint accuracy? She fired three times, and with that managed to sever TWO vertebrae in my spine! And I love my mom, but come on, she doesn't exactly have a steady hand anymore."

"I hear that."

"Well, since I came home from the hospital, I've felt safe as anything knowing that my home is protected by Smith and Wesson!"

"Awesome! I'm gonna go ask my mom to buy a Smith and Wesson today!"

You get the idea. I feel a little nauseous. I wonder if I'm more nervous than I consciously feel about starting at a new school, or if it's just the stomach thing again. Aww, who knows and cares. Either way, I think I'll feel better once orientation is over and I can focus on schoolwork.

*May be an imaginary gun

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Monday, August 28th, 2006
8:24 pm
I am sure that these are the sort of conversations only girls have. Scratch that, I'm sure these are the sort of conversations only WE have:

Maiden Selkie: [Out of nowhere] Ooo! Ishababykittyface!
Kraziflakes: Really? Ishababykittyface?
Maiden Selkie: Ishababykittyface!
Kraziflakes: Ishapwettyfuzzywuz?
Maiden Selkie: Ishapwettybabyfuzzmonster!
Kraziflakes: Oh no! Ishaskawywiddlemonster!
Maiden Selkie: Ishapwettywiddleicklemonshtermonshter!
Kraziflakes: Ishaicklemonshterwannakisshy?
Maiden Selkie: Yeshumsshedoes!
Kraziflakes: *Shhhhhhhmek!*
Kraziflakes: (Thassaicklekisshynoise)
Maiden Selkie: (Yes, I know)
Kraziflakes: (Just making sure you didn't think I was doing something unspeakable to your cat)

current mood: Icklepwessywessyoo

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Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
7:41 pm
Incidentally...



This is important. I feel that it's being made to seem more immediate and urgent than it actually is, (which is why I'm not handing out flyers in the streets right now,) but it needs to be a public issue so that it doesn't become urgent. The internet is the only open system of long-distance mass communication that the human race has ever had. It's nothing short of revolutionary, and all the stupid quizilla quizzes that GOD HELP ME I CAN'T STOP TAKING THEM don't change that. It's important to keep it the near-meritocracy it is today, and right now the most important thing seems to be spreading the word.

That is all. Return to your homes and places of business.

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Monday, May 22nd, 2006
11:46 am


There is a semi-long story behind that image but Ilike it better when it's confusing^_^

You know, I have a lot of habits and qualities that many people would consider masculine. There's the hair now, of course. I don't exactly "primp." I favor more masculine cuts of clothing. (You'll all probably see me in a suit someday. Not a nice suit though, a shabby and ratty one 'cuz that's the way I likes it.)

More than that, I have personality traits that people are supposed to associate with masculinity. I can be stubborn. I can be quiet, but when I'm relaxed and having fun, I'm loud. I favor vulgar language over euphemisms. I don't gossip, and I'm not interested in hearing it.

At the same time I feel very, very feminine, so much so that the idea I could be "masculine" seems completely absurd to me. I'M FEMALE! See? Boobies! And I don't see why I should desperately adhere to completely arbitrary gender roles that few people completely follow to a T anyway.

A lot of people talk about being insecure in one's masculinity, but I think people often overlook how many women are insecure in their femininity. Those pink, prissy things that shriek at the sight of anything unclean. (Seriously, shut the fuck up anonymous random people outside!)

Me? I'm secure. I feel feminine when I'm scratching my ass with one hand, eating beef jerky with the other hand, and playing violent video games with malformed freak hand growing out of my solar plexus. Besides, when you really think about it, the role we have for "feminine" women, for "girly girls" really sucks. The girly girl is childish, high-maintenance, shallow and afraid to get her hands dirty. Fugedaboutit.

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Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
1:38 pm
When I was little, I mean fairly little, like in the 10-12 range, I read this book, see?

I remembered a few things about it, I remembered it was one of those oh-we're-on-a-spaceship-and-the-crew-are-all-lovable-misfits-and-the-ship's-all-broken-down-and-it's-wacky-and-character-driven novels. This particular spaceship was known for going through captains the way most people go through toilet paper.



I remembered it was pulpy and cheesy, that the captain's last name was Wanker, (which he insisted was German and pronounced Vahn-ker,) that his mother had a moustache, that the ship's doctor was constantly high on a variety of colorful pills and died frequently, and that they were testing a type of faster-than-light travel called The Proust Drive. (Which works by reading the ship's computer lots of boring French literature until it tries to get away as fast as it can.) I also remembered that the inventor of the Proust Drive talked, dressed and acted like Groucho Marx for reasons that were never fully explained.



I also remembered this one exchange of dialogue perfectly, word for word:



I never expected to be able to find this novel again. I had only the vaguest memories of it, I couldn't recall the title or author, and it wasn't especially famous, either. BUT, as I was going through some old books of mine, I found it.

Now, it's possible this book is just more awesome to me than it can ever be to another person because it's from my childhood. But I was so very delighted to read it again. It's got everything! Literary references! Bad sex jokes! Worse puns! Once I started reading it, I began to remember the promiscuous communications officer, though I'd forgotten her name. (Darvonna Roundheels.)



And yes, they all have names like that. Just ask Ensign Sven Benson-Svenson.

Reading this really reminded me how much slightly bawdy scifi novels like these taught me about sex. Oh, don't get me wrong--my parents were very forward and honest, if a bit clinical on the "where do babies come from" issue. But a lot of sex jokes still went over my head as a child because even though I understood sex, I didn't get sex.

Case in point: When I first watched Monty Python’s Meaning of Life, I completely understood the "Every Sperm is Sacred" song, as well as the references to condoms. But a moment later when the Protestant wife tells her husband, "Well, it's the same with us, we have two children and we've had intercourse twice" I didn't know that was supposed to be funny. I was like, "what's the big deal? My parents have only had sex twice, right? Right? RIGHT?!"

In fact, as memory serves, I was extremely confused by one scene in which Captain Wanker is caught in one of the elevator tubes that people use to move through the ship. These tubes work on suction, and so have two buttons, one that reads SUCK and one that reads BLOW.

I could sense that it was meant to be funny, but I didn't really understand why:



I'm cutting out a lot of this scene, suffice to say this continued...



And continued, until finally...



You get the idea. You more than get the idea, I'm sure. But I want to make it perfectly clear how awesome this book is. In theory, it's about the inventor of the Proust Drive, a species of shapeshifting lawyers, interstellar war and espionage. But really it's about bad puns and sex jokes. Actually, scratch that, REALLY it's about absolutely nothing, as evidenced by this scene in which the navigator is trying to figure out where in space they are:



This goes on for pages and ends with two characters repeated slapping and screaming at each other, and subsequently hugging and crying hysterically. And they never do figure out where they are.

It's called The Kruton Interface by John DeChancie. (Pen name? I think so.) If you want a copy, they're available from your local shiftless hobo who sleeps on a box of water-damaged paperbacks. And that's all I have to say about that.

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Monday, April 17th, 2006
1:00 pm
Sometimes I'll write something in word and mean to put it on my LJ, then forget. I wrote this about a week ago.

Something that's hard to explain, really hard for me to put into words has been happening over the last few weeks, more than anything I feel like my mind's been going through some sort of transformation. Not a sudden thing, really, but... it's very hard to put into words. It's just the sort of thing that always happens, I feel like the things I'm learning and experiencing are changing my outlook on the world, putting a few pieces in that weren't there anymore, making everything fit together a little better. I feel like I understand the world more than before. It's not just a feeling; there are concrete, mental results. But it's not quite a philosophy that I can write out in a statement. It's more like my perception has changed. For the better, or at least, the more complete. But it's really been intense. And as a result of it I feel more power and more freedom. More optimism. The feeling I can do more of anything.

That isn't in any way why I shaved my head. I explained why I shaved my head. The whole thing about the transformation, it feels like it mostly finished a while ago, or at least the violent parts of it finished. Shaving my head was in no way related to it, except that seeing as I've talked about shaving it for a while and only now have, I think that it probably made it easier for me to do it.

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Sunday, April 9th, 2006
12:20 pm
The things you know about a person can change the way they look to you. Ugly people who rock start looking handsome over the years, while beautiful jerks turn to pudding before your very eyes. Because of this, people who know me may not be aware of this fact:

I'm cute. I'm too cute. I wasn't aware of it either, but strangers constantly confirm it, and since I moved to Brooklyn my cuteness has been an enormous pain.

I know I look younger than I am because people are constantly telling me this. I've been called "beautiful" and "babyfaced" by the same man in the same sentence. It has perks. I can get out of a lot of tough situations by acting scared and flustered. (I've tried it, it almost always works.) Sometimes I don't have to act, because strangers read fear and helplessness into me whether it's there or not. Strangers and salespeople are constantly saying "don't be afraid" to me, in a tone condescending enough to fit words like that.

As I said, there's perks. There's downsides, too, which range from well-intentioned people who treat me like a small child to people who see me as an easy mark or victim.

But, we all have people judge us by our looks. We all learn to live with it. But sometimes...

The last straw for came when a cab driver, who had me as a more or less captive audience, kept hitting on me with an aggressiveness that was somewhere between pathetic and scary. Nearly every one of his lines had something about me "needing a boyfriend to take care of me,:" or "needing a boyfriend so I could quit my job" (he was driving me home from work) implied or right out stated in it. While fuming about it later at home, I realized that I'm always going to attract the kind of guy who likes their women infantile. That thought filled me with despair.

But I can't change the way I look. Or, well...

I can change some things.

Image hosting by Photobucket Image hosting by Photobucket Image hosting by Photobucket Image hosting by Photobucket Image hosting by Photobucket Image hosting by Photobucket Image hosting by Photobucket

And what's less cute (but still pretty,) than a girl with a shaved head? A girl with a shaved head is tough. A girl with a shaved head is in the military, or taking chemo, or in a death camp. A girl with a shaved head doesn't need help carrying a mattress.

It was an impulse. I don't own an electric razor, but I had a few creap, crappy disposables on hand for leg shaving. I had three and I used three, and I would have used more if I had them.

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Wednesday, April 5th, 2006
12:57 pm
Hey everyone! It's...

Let's Insult Major World Religions Week! Hooray!


Okay, so "Let's Insult Major World Religions Week" isn't a national holiday (YET.) It's actually a gimmick on a sometimes-funny always-charming webcomic called Chopping Block. But it's a good idea all the same. I'm filing it next to "Let's Be Massively Politically Incorrect Week" in my File of Awesome Ideas.* If all goes well and the stars are right, I'll have something up here later today (or tomorrow) celebrating this joyous occasion.

And speaking of holidays no one celebrates, I just found out it's 123456 day today. (I.e., soon it shall be 1:23 pm on 4/5/06.) I heard (i.e., read on a webcomic) that 123456 only happens like, every 35,000 years or something like that. And it got me to thinking how any day can be given artificial significance with numerology. Expect that to become important when I have my own religion that worships me as a goddess.

Oh, that reminds me. A few days ago I woke up and was like, "why don't I have my own religion that worships me as a goddess yet?" It's the sort of thing I always expected to have happened by now, but never really took steps to taking, the same way some middle-aged people wake up and wonder why they don't have a wife or a shiny car, or a goldfish or whatever they want out of life. I'm going to have to do some real work on this over the summer. Inventing holidays, performing miracles, gathering acolytes, etc. I hope I can squeeze it in between the summer job, Spanish classes, and crazy sexy parties all night and all day.

Welp, I'm goin' up on the roof to dance in the snow. Skiyalater.

*Note: I just made up both "Let's Be Massively Politically Incorrect Week" and my File of Awesome Ideas, but that doesn't mean I don't intend to make both of these things an immediate reality.

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Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
11:38 pm
Amusing!

There's been some sort of rumor going around the school that one of my teachers is pregnant. Well, apparently it got back to her. You see, Erich sent out an email flyer about an anthology that some Pratt teachers are going to be in, full of stories about pregnancy and childbirth. The teacher in question is in the anthology, but on the flyer, in huge capital letters, she wrote "NO, I'M NOT PREGNANT!" next to her name.

...I'm easily entertained^_^

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Thursday, March 30th, 2006
7:49 pm
You know, there's a whole history of people trying to pinpoint the physical location of the soul. For example, Aristotle thought it was in semen.

A lot of people who hear this will probably assume that it's based in sexism and the presumed superiority of males. While that might have influenced it a little, and it certainly does level the childbirth playing field, (i.e., women may be the only ones who can create life, but men are the only ones who can create souls neener, neener, neener,) but I don't think that's all there was to it. It follows a certain logic when you consider that in Aristotle's time they didn't really have a clear, standard idea of what the inside of their bodies looked like, and they had no clue what went on inside a pregnant woman. They knew pregnancy was the result of sex, so semen must have had something to do with it, but that was about it.

With that in mind, it makes rather more sense that Aristotle would say, "Hmm, the baby grows in and comes out of the woman, so she must have all the raw baby materials inside her. But something about sex has to animate those materials and make them grow into a person. It makes sense that the soul would be the spark for this process. So intercourse must be the process of inserting the baby's soul into the woman. And what else is inserted in the woman during intercourse? Why, semen! Eureka!"

For hundreds of years people assumed Aristotle was right about this. How weird must that have been for men, walking around thinking they had a million little souls in their balls? Actually, Aristotle lived before microscopes, so he didn't know about sperm. He thought he had a big blob of soul in his balls. What did men think when they masturbated? Were they just spilling soul onto the ground for the ants to eat? Would it be absorbed into the plants and bugs? Are there human souls trapped inside of tulips as we speak?

To be fair, Aristotle saw soul as one of the five elements, closer to an anima mundi than the individualistic concept of soul that we're used to. Spilling it on a beetle would probably just improve its day. And with that in mind, one wonders why there weren't more energy drinks made with semen in Aristotle's time. And that's all I have to say about that.

Oh by the way, Nasreen sent me some pictures from the last zombie shoot. Here they are:



She called my zombie a "Baker Bitch From Hell." To be honest, I like the way the makeup looks in the pictures I took later, after removing the prosthetic, better:

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Sunday, March 12th, 2006
5:42 pm
I've all of a sudden gotten interested in the Tarot again. It's super fun. I'm also willing to wager I won't be the first person to learn a lot about the Tarot without being a "believer" in it.

Watch out all you people at home, at this rate I'll want to give all y'all readings over spring break^_~ I've even planned a series of drawings I will never, ever do, with the five main Xanadu peeps as Tarot cards. (Amaya would be the Knight of Wands, Laura the Queen of Cups, Gareth the King of Pentacles, and Felix the Page of Swords. --Swords actually isn't the right suit for Felix, but I wanted to cover all four and everyone else fits so PERFECTLY into theirs-- Megan would be the Fool, of course. Doncha love her? ^_^)

Yeahanyway. I may write more later. Who knows.

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Saturday, March 11th, 2006
5:52 pm
I saw this in Erin's LJ AND I HAD TO MAKE SEVERAL.

1. Choose a band / artist and answer ONLY in titles of their songs : Paul Simon
2. Are you male or female? : Hey Schoolgirl
3. Describe yourself : A Most Peculiar Man
4. How do some people feel about you : Bridge Over Troubled Waters
5. How do you feel about yourself : Save The Life Of My Child
6. Ex boyfriends/girlfriends : The Sound of Silence
7. Current boyfriend/girlfriend/crush : The Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine
8. Describe where you want to be : Old Friends
9. Describe where you live : The Only Living Boy in New York
10. Describe how you live : You Don't Know Where Your Interest Lies
11. What would you ask for if you had just one wish : Feelin' Groovy
12. Share a few words of Wisdom : Times They Are A'Changin'
13. Any general advice : Flowers Never Bend With The Rainfall
14. Share a favorite pickup line : Why Don't You Write Me?
15. And if that one doesn't work : Bye Bye Love
16. What secondary school do/did you attend : Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard
17. Pepsi or coke? : Whew
18. Any pets? : Red Rubber Ball
19. Favorite food? : Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme
20. Do you drink? : If I Could
21. Say goodbye : Don't Say Goodbye

1. Choose a band / artist and answer ONLY in titles of their songs : Pink Floyd
2. Are you male or female? : Mother
3. Describe yourself : Shine On, You Crazy Diamond
4. How do some people feel about you : Us and Them
5. How do you feel about yourself : Brain Damage
6. Ex boyfriends/girlfriends : Your Possible Pasts
7. Current boyfriend/girlfriend/crush : Any Colour You Like
8. Describe where you want to be : Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun
9. Describe where you live : Childhood's End
10. Describe how you live : The Great Gig in the Sky
11. What would you ask for if you had just one wish : Let There Be More Light
12. Share a few words of Wisdom : Careful With That Axe, Eugene.
13. Any general advice : Bring the Boys Back Home
14. Share a favorite pickup line : Young Lust
15. And if that one doesn't work : Don't Leave Me Now
16. What secondary school do/did you attend : Welcome to the Machine
17. Pepsi or coke? : Money
18. Any pets? : Dogs
19. Favorite food? : Sheep
20. Do you drink? : When the Tigers Broke Free
21. Say goodbye : Goodbye Cruel World

And just to mix things up...

1. Choose a band / artist and answer ONLY in titles of their songs : Dead Kennedys
2. Are you male or female? : Dear Abby
3. Describe yourself : I Am the Owl
4. How do some people feel about you : Hyperactive Child
5. How do you feel about yourself : Religious Vomit
6. Ex boyfriends/girlfriends : This Could Be Anywhere
7. Current boyfriend/girlfriend/crush : Funland at the Beach
8. Describe where you want to be : Holiday in Cambodia
9. Describe where you live : Hellnation
10. Describe how you live : Stealing People's Mail
11. What would you ask for if you had just one wish : Your Emotions
12. Share a few words of Wisdom : A Growing Boy Needs His Lunch
13. Any general advice : We've Got a Bigger Problem Now
14. Share a favorite pickup line : I Kill Children
15. And if that one doesn't work : Let's Lynch the Landlord
16. What secondary school do/did you attend : Terminal Preppie
17. Pepsi or coke? : Chemical Warfare
18. Any pets? : Man With the Dogs
19. Favorite food? : Soup is Good Food
20. Do you drink? : Too Drunk to Fuck
21. Say goodbye : Dead End

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Tuesday, March 7th, 2006
12:25 pm
I just realized something random about Christine.

Her phone's ringtone is an mp3 that plays Birdhouse in Your Soul.

It seems insanely weird that a person who watches more TV than anyone I've ever encountered would like a song about how TV is bad.

I think a person is allowed to be someone who watches a ton of TV, and allowed to be someone who thinks TV is evil and mind-killing and blah blah blah, but no one should be allowed to be both. They're both irritating character traits, and I can't deal with two of them.

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Monday, February 27th, 2006
11:06 pm
Aww man. That was great. That was a great con.

I know I get bored reading con reports, so rather than say everything I did I'll go over a couple of highlights.

A panel called "the physics of superheroes" was run by the most adorably dorky man I've ever seen. You don't get much further into geekdom than writing to comic publishers telling them why math says that Spiderman can't use his web as a slingshot. He was great.

EEEE EEEEE ROMAN DIRGE! EEEE EEEEE EVAN DORKIN!

The SLG panel was unbelievable. I was a little disappointed that Roman and Dorkin weren't there, (though it was okay, I'd already EEE'd over them at their booth.) But by the end I was in love with Dan Vado. I'm normally not interested in Industry news at all, but he brought such a creative and interesting perspective to it... he really cares about what he publishes. He's great. He's beyond great. I really, really would be happy if I could work for SLG someday. Badly.



(Jenni. You are totally going to e-mail/AIM me about that panel, because you will be so glad that you did afterwards.)

I bought a lot of really, really, really small press comics from some really great people. Is it just me, or is everyone really amiable and nice at cons?

HOLY SHIT. Monarch of the Moon. That was great. I will say no more, for I am going to find it and force it on you all. A Scanner Darkly, which I saw the beginning of there, comes out in July and looks great. Art School Confidential SUCKS though.

I was amazed at both the quality and quantity of free stuff they had. I never entered a single contest or anything like that, and I rejected stuff I didn't want, (I rejected a LOT,) and I still walked out of there with:

8 DVDs (One boxed set of five, three singles.)
1 computer game. (A really, really good one too. Some sort of two CD interactive anime novel.)
5 Magazines
3 Comic magazines
3 Manga books
1 Book
3 Chick parodies (rather, three copies of the same one.)
12 Postcards
4 Posters
2 Buttons
1 Sticker
1 Bracelet
1 T-Shirt
And 1 Pewter figurine



All free, and all very high-quality stuff. I am sure that if I sold it all on eBay I would get MANY TIMES the cost of my ticket back. But I won't 'cuz I like the stuff. I also bought six comics, a DVD and a growing voodoo doll.

There were these two delightful ubergeeks showing their fan parodies. They were there every night, and I thought they were so neat and deserving of praise that they didn't get that I cut into my already tight sleep schedule to draw a picture of them, for them. (Them dressed as Cowboy Bebop characters. I don't know why. But I knew they liked the show and it was late and I'm crazy.) They really loved it. It was great.



Jenni, I seriously have to show you one of the free DVDs I got. Elfin Lied, if you haven't already heard of/seen that series. Everyone, I totally have to show you another one of the DVDs I got. The Fuccons. I'd heard of it before the con, but after the panel I'm convinced they'll be mainstream in America soon.

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Friday, February 24th, 2006
4:07 pm
SO! The Museum of Sex. It's a smallish museum, easy to see everything in a day, but still big enough that you don't feel cheated despite the substantial price. The first thing you go through is the gift shop, of course, which sells books on sex, t-shirts, vibrators, French Ticklers, key chains, chess sets, lip balm and anal beads.

When I saw that I knew that even if this museum turned out to be gimmicky and dull, it would still get points for being the only museum that wants, nay, EXPECTS you to crap its merchandise up your ass.

Anyway, the first exhibit was The History of the Male nude. It was divided into several sections that I can't really remember, something about roman statues, beefcakes and gay porn. Gay porn apparently made up a huge percentage of the naked man industry. It seems the stereotype of men being generally more horny than women is at least historically true.

That exhibit was mostly photographs, magazine covers, and a few neat little displays set up. I especially liked the one that was a chest of drawers filled with gay porn. It was like, "oops! You found my porn stash!" Ha, ha! "Oops!" ...I'm easily amused.

As to the pictures themselves, the museum seemed pretty indiscriminate, content-wise. The photo of two semi-nude men kissing on the grass was right next to the one of a man urinating in another man's mouth. (Am I completely fulfilling the teenage girl stereotype when in a whole huge exhibit about the male nude I mostly remember the gay porn?)

Oooh, there was also a timeline circling the whole room. Turns out mah home state of Illinois was the first state to decriminalize homosexuality which is something I know I'd heard before but kind of half forgotten! And Wisconsin was the first state to prohibit discrimination by sexual orientation! Take that, people who talk smack about the Midwest! Yes, take that two of my teachers and half of my peers!

So after that came an exhibit called "Stags, Smokers and Blue Movies," which was a look at pornographic movies that were made back when you could get arrested for watching pornographic movies. Grainy, black and white "vanilla sex" shown in private homes during "stag parties," usually by the people who produced them.

They had a bunch of the films on display. One of them was this really weird cartoon that I think ought to be at least FINED for its rampant abuse of penises.

The most interesting part of that exhibit was this documentary they had playing in this little half-room that was all interviews with guys who'd gone to these movies as teenagers. It was especially funny because these were very different people, and when they described the experience of stag parties, you could actually see them all going to the same one and what their role in the social order therein would be.

For example, this one guy, I think his name was Leslie, he was kind of meek and laughed at himself a lot when while he was talking, I think he was a little embarrassed. This other guy named Charlie, though, he was very comfortable, confident and very blunt about everything.

Leslie talked about how, looking back he realized everyone must have been as horny as he was, but at the time he thought he was the only one, because everyone else would laugh and make catcalls to disguise their arousal. Then he went into this whole thing about how you were somehow weak if you showed physical signs of arousal. Charlie, on the other hand, was saying how everyone in the room had an erection, then added in passing that he guessed everyone was trying to hide it.

Apparently, though, these films served an actual purpose in a time when there were plenty of married men who'd never seen a naked woman before. Even with their wives, they'd have sex with the lights out. Leslie mentioned that the idea of a woman who enjoyed/wanted sex didn't even occur to him as possible until he saw his first stag film.

OH! And also, people who collected these movies could make some money by showing them. They were projectionists. Of course, anyone could have used the projector, but the deal then was that if you rented the film you rented the guy, too. And that was how individuals could make money from their porn collections.

One guy who had that job was someone whose name I forgot, but who's referred to as "The King of Porn." ...He looks the part. I don't think I've ever seen anyone else who's that twitchy and sleazy looking who still manages to sound like Foghorn Leghorn. He'd apparently made a donation to the museum that was featured in the permanent collection.

Oh yeah. The permanent collection is the last part you see before leaving, and that's good, because it's seriously the best part. They just have a bunch of seemingly random sex-related stuff shoved into one room, including:

1. A BEAUTIFUL, cool statue of some monstrous looking thing with huge, odd-lobed eyes, horns, spikes and bent legs. I don't know what it had to do with sex but it had huge breasts so I guess that's enough. It wasn't labeled. I think maybe it was supposed to be a succubus.
2. An also cool looking working "CyberS&M Suit" that was made in the early days of the internet.
3. A TON of sex machines that were all basically variations on "a dildo comes out of some machinery and thrusts back and forth/wiggles." The best part were the photos the inventors took with their machines. Some were looking off to the side, like, "oh, what, this? This thing? No, that's not my sex machine, it must belong to the missus." I don't know if the photographer gave them any coaching or anything, but one girl had hers taken nude, another one had it with his dog. This one guy was the best, he was sitting next to his sex machine with a beer shirt and a cigarette hanging out of his lip and his eyes half-closed. It was like, "yeah, I build giant dildos. You got a problem with that?"
4. A RealDoll on display behind glass, along with a pair of RealDoll boobs out in the open for the curious to feel and compare to real skin. There was a sign over the boobs that said "be gentle" and judging by the condition of said boobs people were NOT LISTENING TO THE SIGN.
5. A section on transvestites, which included some very nice ads for a drag queen finishing school that opened with the title "what every lady should know about her five o'clock shadow."
6. Pornographic holograms. PORNOGRAPHIC HOLOGRAMS.
7. A mildly interesting section on how burlesque merged into striptease.
8. Some GREAT old sex education stuff, including a loop of those old classroom filmstrips I like. The list next to the filmstrips said that somewhere on the program was a short called "Sex Education for Retards," but I didn't see that one. They also had some great old sex ed books with titles like "Plain Facts About Sex Hygiene" and content like "The fountain of Venereal Disease is over flowering, spewing slime and muck out into our city streets." Or "The female mind is naturally softer, and more prone to patience and gentleness in life."

So yeah. It was pretty neat. Not enought to visit multiple times, but definitely worth a look. I'd recommend it to anyone living in New York, she said as if she didn't know that the four people who read her journal don't live anywhere near New York City.

Anyway, the Comic Convention is this weekend, so I'll probably have some stories from that. Pictures too! Ta.

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Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
8:58 pm
Hey, remember how a while ago I said I'd tell this livejournal more stuff about what I was doing on any particular day and such? How long did it take me to break that promise, A SECOND? Well, to compensate, I'll list a few of the more interesting things I've done since then…

1. Been to a couple gallery openings, most of which aren't worth rehashing anyway,
2. Seen a Korean movie about revenge that ends with the main character slamming her face into a blob of tofu, an old Doris Day movie set at the circus, a French movie about a man who steal children's dreams, a Japanese movie that's really, REAALLY violent, (and if *I* take notice of how violent it is, IT'S FUCKING VIOLENT.) a movie about the Newyorican Poets café and a British movie based on an Ibsen play.
3. Gone for many, many walks around the city, including several rewarding trips to Central Park. (I found a HAT on the ground!)
4. Gone to a Murder Mystery Dinner Party which turned into a bloodbath when six players "died."
5. Gone to a party that reminded me why I don't go to parties often, and which included this lovely little incident:

Guy: (Holding a half empty cup) Hey, I'm not going to finish this, you want it?

Me: (Knows she should ask what it is but doesn't, drinks it.) What was that?

Guy: Jack Daniels.

Me: Huh.

Guy: ...And lighter fluid.

Me: Ohhh...
6. Learned that if you sketch the animals in the Museum of Natural History, you become part of the tour.
7. Visited the Union Square winter market in all it's apple-centric goodness, and purchased ingredients necessary to make hand-rolled sushi.
8. Begun to patronize open Mic night at Tilly's, making me an official part of the Fort Greene neighborhood.
9. Narrowly escaped having to salsa dance (semi-long story.)
10. Chased/Been chased by children in Union Square, (not as long a story as you’d think.)
11. Attended an anti-Valentine's Day party
12. Babysat, of course.
13. Read Galapagos, Stranger Than Fiction, Lolita, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, Crime and Punishment, Neverwhere and World War Three, Illustrated.
14. Visited the Museum of Sex, (I took notes, so I may write u a full scale review of that one.)
15. Gotten lost many, many times.
16. Had my drawings critiqued in class for the first time, (positive comments = YAY!)
17. Met a really cool journalist.
18. Gone to a couple of comedy shows and for a couple walks with a certain male human.
19. Drawn nakie people with an air of maturity.
20. Bought a dress (gasp!) wore it, (GASP!) as was subsequently hit on to the point of severe irritation..
21. Did a little recreational trespassing.
22. Hurt myself trying to be Spiderman in Central Park.
23. Went in and out of a bedridden, invalid state.
24. Shot some semi-legal stock footage around campus.
25. ALL WHILE COUGHING UP BOTH LUNGS AND SHOVING THEM BACK IN MY NOUTH AND COUGHING THEM UP AGAIN.

Exhale! So that's it. Not that interesting when I list them out like that but FIDDLE DEE DEE ANYWAY. The comic convention is this weekend so I'll probably talk about that in detail. Actually, you know what? Because I love you and I'm self-absorbed I'll tell you some stuff about the Museum of Sex while I'm here. But I'm gonna put it in a separate entry because this one is long enough already.

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Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
1:00 am
So I have this project for Life Drawing: Make fifty little pictures, each one on a different type of paper. (Ten on non-paper surfaces.) It's due in less than a month, so to get ahead a little I’m trying to draw about three a day. Of the three I drew yesterday, this is my favorite:

I sure hope that thing can't give me children


Hentai and Lovecraft jokes aside, I've always enjoyed drawing things with tentacles. They're just a really aesthetically pleasing and fun appendage in my mind. Doodles found in notebooks from Jr High and High school show a variety of aliens and monsters with unnecessary tentacles. I remember this one species I'd draw that was supposed to be the epitome of beauty in my mind, They had long legs, four arms, weird, diamond-shaped ribs, no noses, three eyes... and tentacles where hair would be on a human. Sort of like gorgon-hair, without the snakes. Also, they were blue. But I only drew them in pencil, so you couldn't tell that.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yes, tentacles. They're not just for breakfast anymore.

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